Monday, May 28, 2012

Mother's day have passed.
I dint give a damn about it.
Did not greeted anyone at all. 
My friends have sent me greets, and i chose to ignore.

I don't remember greeting my mother, ever. Perhaps i do, when i was young.
When i don't have my own mind.
When I always hide on her back, and couldn't sleep without her on my side.

I came across somebody's blog and saw this story. Which made me cringe. And so now i ponder.

I've hated my mom over the years.
I've hated her for the messed-up life i have.
I've blamed her for all the misfortune i've suffered.
I've deeply hated her for all the shit reasons i've kept in my heart.

All my life, I only wanted to have a complete family. [Oh shit this "family" thing makes me teary! wtf!]
I always envy kids at school during graduation day, or parents day. For my mom never showed me support even if i was the cream of the crop.

I met my dad two days before my 20th bday. So over the 20yrs of my existence, I never once saw my dad. And have always dream of meeting him. Mom has only ONE old blur photo of him, that I grew up looking. [But this post isn't about my dad, i just thought about it.]

I don't know but this hate i kept makes me irk whenever i see her. -_-
Believe me, i've tried to get over this but it just can't get it off! ='(

My mom is getting old and wrinkly, weak and sickly. And i've never had a "happy" moments with her to reminisce, to share, to brag like other loving child. 

Someday i'm gonna regret that i din't cared for her, loved her, and all the things a daughter should give.
I'm gonna cry on her grave, and asked for forgiveness.
BUT right now, i just can't. This isn't pride, i'm just loathsome.

Mama, look what have u done to me. You have created an enormous monster in me.

I'm sure gonna burn in hell. But for once, I AM DEEPLY SORRY. =(
I still hope and pray that before the world ends, ME, YOU, and DAD, will be together like a normal happy family. I am not young anymore, and parents bonding might gross me out, but I SINCERELY WISH for this to HAPPEN in God's time.

Ma, you know i have loved you. It's you who made me distant.

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